she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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