What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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