Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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