his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
