I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
