new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
