Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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