So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
