what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
