Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize