everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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