You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
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