i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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