You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
