I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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