Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
