just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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