..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I cannot find my penis.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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