my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
