Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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