does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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