perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
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