Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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