so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
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