my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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