i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
