U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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