You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
