if only i could text you this smell
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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