broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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