i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
