with your own penis?
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
