Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
