I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
