Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
