It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
