never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
