I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
