The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
The feeling are messing with the penis
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
