You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
