The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
