4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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