It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
