My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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