I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Girls should come with a carfax report
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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