At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
