Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
