My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
