in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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