i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
