I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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