I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
