And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
And then he peed in my hair
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