Walk of Shame. In a state park.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
