can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
