ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
