Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize