Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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