I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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