Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
