just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
