i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
