the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
