i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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