im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
