I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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