my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
