areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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