i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize