So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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