At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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