i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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