so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
