Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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